Hint: The problem isn’t “discipline”
My friend Diana Kander has an interesting way of setting goals.
She says, “Every year, I try to set a goal that will require me to become a different person in order to achieve it.”
In other words, the goal should be ambitious enough that it will require not just a shift in effort, but a shift in identity.
See, most of the time the thing we need to change isn’t skill, intelligence, or even work ethic. It is a belief about who we are.
- “I’m not creative.”
- “I’m not the leadership type.”
- “I’m not successful enough to make this investment in myself.”
Beliefs like these are often deeply ingrained, and they quietly fence in our ambitions.
After all, why would a “non-creative” person pitch an idea to their boss? Why would someone who’s “not a leader” apply for a management position? Why would an “unsuccessful” person waste their money on a class, tool, or certification?
They wouldn’t. That would be foolish. And most of us are pretty good at avoiding situations where we could look foolish.
So we scale our ambitions back. We play smaller. We set goals that fit comfortably within our current identity.
But there’s another option:
You can become a person who sees themselves as creative. Someone who acknowledges that they have leadership potential. Someone who bets on themselves.
Here’s the twist: You aren’t actually becoming a different person at all.
You aren’t changing your abilities, your intelligence, or your innate potential. You’re simply changing the story you tell yourself about those things.
“But Kyle”, you might be thinking, “the new story is a lie…”
Sure, but so was the old one. Every story we tell about ourselves is wrong in one way or another.
In light of that, wouldn’t you rather tell yourself an aspirational story? A story that you can grow into, rather than one that keeps you bound to smallness?
I sure would.
So as I go forward,, I’m rewriting a few of my own stories. They were good first drafts, and they got me here. But the goals I’m aiming for next year require a bigger version of me to show up.
I suspect the same thing is true for you. So I will leave you with a thought and a question:
First, the thought: If your goals feel achievable without changing who you are, they might be too small.
Next, the question: What kind of goal would force you to become the person you know you could be?
